safety cowboys Mam, where's the rave?
They don’t sell semi-real looking guns anymore to enhance pretending for kids playing cowboys and Indians or cops and robbers. Instead, our kids get brightly colored implements of clownifification designed to wussify them and leave them running around pointing ridiculous orange monstrosities at each other and yelling bang like some kind of ineffective little mega dork. It’s kind of like pretending to shoot someone with your mother’s vibrator, the only thing going down is self-respect and self-esteem.
Dear feministas and safety Nazi’s of the world, please leave the children of America out of your ego maniacal safety war. It’s okay for children to pretend and play, in fact I submit to you, that it’s what makes us grow up to be better people. No need to crush a young man’s soul just yet, there’s plenty of time to do that once you marry him. If at that point he wants to let you dominate him into the dirt and crush his manhood with your spiked heels, well, he’s a grown man and that is his prerogative. For the time being though, can’t we just let kids be kids? Let them bask in the creativity, excitement, unadulterated Joy, and innocent wonder with the world that play facilitates and allow them the chance to grow up and lead a well-adjusted life? maybe even grow up to make the world a better place.
At any rate, probably by taking away any semblance of real guns you will only make them crave that taboo object. Then, when they grow up, they’ll end up being some psycho with a gun fetish who can finally get real guns instead of those fake looking pieces of crap they were forced to wield as a child. Because the were deprived, they’ll over compensate by buying 1000 of them. Then one day, when you’re out power walking through that carbon copy yuppie sanctuary of village idiots that you call a neighborhood, dragging your yap happy pint-size sweater wearing pseudo-dog behind you, he’ll jump out from behind your Volvo mini-van with some insane military grade auto-repeating elephant gun and blast you intonon-existence, because you wouldn’t allow him to suspend his disbelief while playing as a child. You’ll lay there bleeding out in the street like a plastic sack full of holes, your busy body life flashing before your eyes, wondering where it all went so wrong. He will get thrown into the local insane asylum where he will meet your daughter, because I’m pretty sure that’s where she’ll be after growing up in some kind of lunacidal safety cage. They’ll have crazy Thorazine sex in a rubber room, while sesame street plays in the background and babbling droolers feign a game of checkers thirty feet away. She’ll fall in love with him because her mind is fantastically Bent beyond comprehension. Eventually they’ll get out and have a baby that’ll be chock-full of your blood and DNA, but they’ll want it to be anything except like you. They’ll raise it to be the exact opposite of you and society will swing to the other extreme once more. Then they will create and mass market high-fashion brightly colored instruments of death and destruction for a whole new generation to kill with and some other cracky mother will force the stores of the world to only carry black and nickel plated play guns so that they don’t look like the real ones which are now orange and green and bright blue… Everything goes in cycles.
FYI, creating all of these asinine laws in an ill-conceived attempt to protect your child from everything in the world that might possibly hurt them is a losing battle fought by people of purpose or as I like to call them, Controlling douche bags. people of purpose, they will take a big steaming purpose all over you. Why does their purpose have to affect my life, can’t they keep their purpose to themselves? every time I get covered in someone else’s purpose, I have to take a dozen showers and use a tongue scraper on my skin, and I still don’t feel clean. I’ve got news for you, your life only needs purpose if you’re trying to fill a void. there is an age-old philosophical question that I asked myself over and over again… Why are you here?
If you really want to protect your children get them a blanket policy. Give them the best and most complete solution available to them. it’s the only truly viable solution for the children of the world and it will serve them well in many ways throughout their lives… It’s called education. Don’t put in speed bumps to slow down the cars that speed though your neighborhood, teach your child how to dodge speeding cars. That way maybe they’ll have a chance of surviving an encounter with a car even if a speed bump is not there to save their lives. Little Suzy doesn’t have to be roadkill just because big daddy speedbump isn’t around. She might even go on to dodge a dozen or more cars if you teach her how. Do you want to be the one responsible for not teaching her how to dodge speeding automobiles so that she can grow up to have her dreams crushed and become a stripper named sudoku who is saddled with a severe drinking problem and a seroius sex adiction? of course not.
But beware, not even education is a 100% guarantee that your child will survive to make it into adulthood, there are no absolute guarantees. life would mean nothing if it couldn’t be taken away. Whole hordes of people die every day and that is never gonna stop. In fact statistically a hundred and five people die each minute on planet Earth, some no doubt, in some horrific or indescribable way. So maybe you should just come to the realization that life is a dangerous proposition, accidents happen and were all going to die someday, so why not live today. Then, instead of wasting your life trying to put your finger in the Dyke ( no pun intended), you can relax and enjoy the spectacular grandeur and beauty you’ve been made privy to simply by morphing into existence to experience this realm, this world, this life, right here right now. Set a spell, settle into your favorite big old comfortable life, take off those big old heavy freedom stomping boots, and let yourself and everyone you come in contact with be permeated with the rich and glorious bounty of all things great and small. as far as the universe is concerned, we may be infinitesimal, but not as far as we’re concerned. in our minds we are giants, but in reality this big blue planet we live on is more or less a speck of dust floating in a boundless ocean of stars so vast and incomprehensible that it really is unfathomable to the dust mites that live on it. So the desire to Control everything is a futile attempt of Earth’s most delusional creatures to makes sense of it all, but they’re coming from a place of fear which can only lead to a state of enslavement. don’t go towards the fear, go towards the light. find the sweet delicious nuggets of love, they’re tastier. The will to control everything encapsulates you in a prison built of fear, when you come to the realization that we have no real control over anything but ourselves ( and really probably not even that most of the time), then you can let go and drift in life’s sweet current… taste the love, feel the freedom, dip your toes in the bottomless pool of life’s ambrosia. We’re all on a rock hurtling through space at a speed of 67,000 mph, sit back and enjoy the ride.
By no means am I a perfect being, in fact I’m pretty sure I am a lecher, a pauper and a fool, and in my lifetime I’ve made more mistakes than I can shake my wiener at (and believe me I can shake my wiener at a lot of things and there are precious few things I haven’t), but I do know, that if you lose your balance, you are either gonna stumble or fall.
Endear yourself to equilibrium.
Police corruption and racism in Orlando Florida
recently a friend of mine was pulled over in Orlando Florida. The Orlando officers verbally and emotionally abused him, medically endangered him and made comments that have well-known And documented racial connotations. Personally, I believe he has a lawsuit against the city of Orlando. In order to help him get justice in a situation that is clearly criminal, I wrote the following letter for him based on his step-by-step testimony of what occurred the night he was pulled over after leaving a barbecue at his son’s house.
Complaint: Harassment, intimidation, emotional abuse and racial remarks by representatives of the law in Orlando Florida.
Sunday 06/12/2011 at 12:25 am in Orange county Florida I was pulled over as I left a family gathering at my son’s house. I was appalled at the grossly unprofessional behavior and racist insinuations of one of the officers of the law who pulled me over. The following is an account of what I consider to be, an intimidating, threatening, and seemingly racially motivated action by the Orlando Police Department.
I left my grandchildren’s house right after midnight. Upon leaving the house I made a right turn and a car started following me with no headlights on. My first thought was that the people in the car had ill conceived intentions towards me. I was afraid I might be car jacked or robbed. After a few blocks they turned their headlights on and still proceeded to follow me. I made several turns to confirm for myself that they were indeed following me. At that point my intentions were to find someplace safe (well lit and populated) to pull over and call the police. I made one final turn at a stop sign, and that’s when they turned on their lights revealing themselves as undercover police officers in an unmarked squad car. I immediately pulled over and as soon as we both came to a stop they approached my car and asked for my license, registration and insurance. After they ran my information and it checked out they approached my vehicle again. At this point they shouted at me “where are the drugs and guns because all of you people always have drugs and guns”. I told them that I didn’t have any drugs or guns. They were very insistent that I had drugs and guns and persisted along this line of questioning. This unfounded harassment about guns and drugs went on for about 10 min., during which time Officer Branhurst used the term “you people” several times. He also kept pointing a flashlight directly into my eyes, and I asked him to please stop several times because he was making my blood pressure go up. The other Officer didn’t really say anything, but he had his gun pointed at me the entire time. They continued to be adamant about me having drugs and guns, and then they said that they wanted to search my vehicle. At that time I politely informed them that I would not consent for them to search my vehicle because they did not have probable cause. I have a severe blood pressure problem and the stress of their hostile actions towards me caused my blood pressure to rise to unsafe levels. When it gets to this point, it becomes life threatening and I felt I was in danger of having a stroke. At this point I told them that because they were harassing me so much I was getting ill because my blood pressure was going up and up and I felt like I was going to have a stroke. I’d had one before and I knew what they felt like. After I told Officer Branhurst I was sick, I asked him to call an ambulance for me because I knew that I would need medical attention. He refused me medical attention. I also asked if I could take my blood pressure medication and they refused to let me take my medication. Officer Branhurst then told me “as a police officer I’m trained to detect when people are sick” and again refused to call me an ambulance. At that time I was able to call my daughter who was right around the corner and have her call an ambulance for me. I also asked her to come to where I was. She came over right away. When my family arrived the first thing Officer Branhurst said to my daughter was “just tell your father to tell us where the drugs and guns are”.
By this time a crowd had formed and the officer, in an obvious attempt to justify his unjust and unlawful actions, tried to make it seem like I was being hostile by yelling loud enough so the crowd could hear “stop cursing at me”. I remained calm and compliant towards him and replied, “I don’t even talk like that sir, I am an ordained elder in my church and I don’t even use those words”. I then asked him why he was saying these things. He did not respond to this question, but when I said this to him he did stop trying to convince the witnesses I was using profanity towards him. The officer with his gun drawn didn’t join in on the others intimidation tactics, but he did nothing to stop them either. I really felt that Officer Branhurst was doing everything he could short of assault to try and intimidate me and provoke me into reacting with a hostile response. I again requested an ambulance and reaffirmed that I was sick and needed medical attention. This time, because a crowd had gathered and their were witnesses, he agreed to call the ambulance. He then called for an ambulance, even though one was already on the way because my daughter had called. By that time about 20 to 25 min. had passed from the time of the initial stop. At this point I just wanted to get to the hospital so I asked him if he could just give me the ticket for the stop sign that he said I ran. He refused to do this as well. Ignoring my plea for medical attention, he said yet again that I wasn’t going anywhere until I gave him the drugs and guns. “Because “you people” always have drugs and guns”. He kept reiterating “you people’ which is widely considered to be a racial slur as witnessed in the media and several movies at this point.
Shortly after all of that, the firetruck arrived. He then told me I could get out the car to go over to the firetruck. Once at the fire truck, the EMT proceeded to take my blood pressure. They found my blood pressure to be 240/130! The EMT’s told the police that they needed to write me the ticket immediately because I needed to go directly to the hospital ASAP. About 5 minute after the firetruck arrived the ambulance arrived. The officer went back to his car and wrote the ticket, then came back and had me sign it. I was feeling very shaky at this point, so I just signed my initials. Then, even though the EMT’s had made it clear that I needed to go to the hospital right now, he insisted I could not leave for emergency treatment until I signed my ticket exactly as it was on my license. I informed him I probably would not be able to sign it exactly like my signature until my blood pressure went down which would probably take about 24 hours. After detaining me for another few minutes, while he glared at me in anger, he finally agreed to let me go to the hospital. When he brought my license back to me, he threw it on the ground and stepped on it and drug it across the ground with his foot. I asked him why he would drag my license with his dirty foot and his response was “I thought you were going to kick me” ??? After that he picked it up by the edges being careful not to touch the flat surfaces that he had dragged across the ground and handed it to me. Much of what occurred, was witnessed by my family, the firemen, the EMT’s, and the crowd surrounding the incident. The EMT’s then said it was time to go to the hospital, so I departed from the scene and I went directly to the hospital.
I would like it to be noted that:
1. The State of Florida recognizes me as a safe driver and has me registered as such as on my drivers license.
2. I am over the age of 50, well past the stage in my life, where I would willingly get into trouble.
I truly feel that the actions of officer Branhurst reflect poorly on law enforcement personnel everywhere, and I hope that incidents like this are an uncommon occurrence in the city of Orlando. The hostile treatment I received was just an irresponsible ploy being used to elicit a confrontational response or make me lose my temper. I hope that you are as disturbed by the actions of officer Branhurst as I am.
Authority figures have a great responsibility to those who entrust them with authority, and therefor should be held responsible when that trust is broken and that authority is abused. I trust this issue will be dealt with in a just and timely manner. Thank you for your time and assistance in this matter.
Great… There goes that service. Microsoft is like Midas and the anti-Midas all once, whatever they touch turns to gold for them and shit for us. Thanks Microsoft. Bill Gates has got his fingers all up in America’s hair pie. Aren’t you rich enough bill? You don’t have to crush everything that’s free you know. Listen, I’m not saying you’re an all bad guy or anything like that, in fact I know that you donate a lot of your money to good causes. I’m just saying let your hacker ethic do the driving once in a while. Maybe if you just concentrated on what made you a kabillionaire in the first place we wouldn’t have any douche bag debacles like Windows Vista going on.
You took it over, you probably have plans for it, but let me just say this to you. Bill, do me a favor, this is your old buddy Shane speaking here, don’t make Skype all about making a dime. Leave Skype to Skype calls free, just as they have always been. Do you remember that time in college when we are at that park, and those guys started threatening us and then they let lose their three pit bulls on us and we ran in jumped on top of my cousins car. You were wearing like boat shoes or something and scared shirtless yelling at the top your lungs. Do you remember? who saved your ass? It was mean Joe and me wasn’t it. I was wearing those big old fireman boots that were like two sizes too big for me, and mean Joe was wearing his combat boots, and we stood in front of you furiously kicking those fucking dogs off the roof for about 10 minutes until those jack wads finally called off their dogs because they were afraid we would hurt them. Think about that when you’re trying to decide how much to charge people to talk to each other. Dude, you remember my mom, you used to like her. Well now she lives in Ireland, and the only way I can talk to her is with skype. Don’t fuck my mom dude! Oh, and also remember “giant robot”. If it wasn’t for “giant robot”, you probably wouldn’t even be where you are today and that came from me. Put that in your pie and eat it!
Obama bin Laden
what in the world is the deal with the “slaying” of Osama bin Laden? They killed him, but they threw his body in the ocean before anybody could see it, and they’re not going to release any pictures. They were disposing of the body to honor his religion, but not enough not to kill his ass. The story stinks like three-week old fish. What kind of hocus-pocus baloney is going on here? What is the real motive behind this theoretical death? I don’t believe they really killed Osama bin Laden, I think they are just trying to test the waters to see how the world reacts to a political assassination. My theory is that Osama bin Laden has actually been dead for a little bit now. And what was with all the different spins they put on the story? That’s what makes me think they’re testing the waters for something. If you putting a bunch of different spins on the media you releasing, it has got to be an attempt to gauge the world’s reaction to what you’re doing. And what was that crazy shit about the war dogs with battle armor and titanium teeth implants??? That is some crazy shit! Where are the animal rights people when you need them? They all seem to be cheering for these heroic dogs of war. Is it me, or does giving German shepherds titanium teeth implants give anyone else that heebie-jeebies? Hey, wasn’t that dog a villain in a Bond movie?
Maybe Barack Hussein Obama and Osama bin Laden are one and the same. Maybe he had to kill off his secret identity when he was forced to produce that hokey Pokey birth certificate. If you put them side-by-side, it is pretty clear that they could possibly, with a little stretch of the imagination, be the same person. Give Obama a turban, 1970s vagina beard, and a little bit of makeup and Abracadabra allakazam…Obama bin Laden. It would explain why he’s so secretive. Obama, can we see your birth certificate. “No, I don’t wanna”. Obama, how about you show us those pictures of Osama bin Laden? “No, I don’t wanna” Obama, can we see what is in that medical bill your trying to pass? “No way”. Hey Obama, where is his trillions of dollars of bailout money going to? “I’m not telling”. What is with this guy? It’s like a bag has been put over America’s head, and now were just being repeatedly punched in the face. Where will the punches come from next?
Lest you think that I am a Republican, you are wrong. I am no more a Republican, then I am a Democrat. In fact, as far as I’m concerned, there are no Republicans, and there are no Democrats. There are only republicrats. A one-party system that gives us the illusion of having a choice. Because in case you haven’t noticed, it’s we the people, who are taking one for the team no matter which party is in office. The same agenda is always pursued, and the same results are always obtained. More for them and less for us. If you don’t believe that, then you are thinking exactly what they programmed you to think. Wake-up world, stop having a love affair with your rapist.
this show is bad ass! I’ve always liked Christian Slater, I have been a fan ever since “Heather’s” and a number of years back I had the great fortune to hang out with him in my beater 30 foot motorhome when he happened to wander onto my land in St. Johns Arizona. He was very down to earth, very cool, and exceedingly generous. Unlike Jon Voight, who is a total Dick in person. Offhand I can’t think of anything really bad he’s done, but breaking in rocks! This show takes the cookie Puss, it’s geekcentric, riddled with references, and more fun than an orgy of flying monkeys. The last couple of shows he did, it seems, weren’t really good vehicles for him. This show however, will be. My prediction is, that this show will be on for a good long time. The cast is great, the writing is excellent, it’s witty as fuck, everything is pretty much right on. As long as they continue doing what they’re doing, I can’t imagine the show won’t be a hit. Although, what they choose to leave on the air, and what they take off, never ceases to amaze me. I mean seriously, how can a show like “the riches” be shut down in the first season, and then a show like “small wonder” is left on to desecrate the airwaves for umpteen gazillion years? Dear television executives, the blockage in your colon… Is your brain. Please do the world a favor and crap it out, cleaned off and put it back in your au gratin potato head. Thank you…NEXT!! but I digress, if you haven’t seen it, or even heard of it, you must watch it. It’s pretty much my new favorite show. you must watch it watch it watch it! Sheeple of the planet Earth, I implore you, you must watch this show. Don’t let this be another firefly tragedy, is it too much to ask that we keep good programming on the air? I think not.
As expected the action in the movie fast five was fast and furious. In fact it was just as fast and furious as it was unbelievable. Their staple characters managed to warp reality and defy physics at every turn all the while managing to remain looking suppa cool while doing it. In this fourth installment of the fast and furious franchise, your favorite antiheroes took on a corrupt Brazilian drug lord in control of the government of Rio De Janeiro by concocting a plan to steal $100 million dollars from said villain. The plan was so preposterous and impossible that it could only be executed in a movie… Thank God they were in one. The only thing that made this movie really believable at all, was that everybody knows that the governments of the world are corrupt. The United States government is pretty blatant about it, and for the South American governments it’s a way of life. Now for some people all of these physics defying shenanigans would completely ruin the movie, because it doesn’t sustain disbelief for them, but personally I can be awfully forgiving towards a movie and take what I can from it. I guess I just recognize that it’s a movie that’s telling a story and all stories aren’t necessarily meant to be believable, some are just made to be fun. That being said, this movie was fun. With all it’s flaws, I still really quite enjoyed the the movie. The action was constant and crazy, the characters were crazy and crafty, and the cinematography was dramatic and Daffy.… And of course the girls were hot and the cars were cool. If you can overlook the fact that a lot of this movie has no basis in physics or reality, then I’m pretty sure you’ll get a kick out of it.
Perks: the cast, smashes, crashes, brawls, speed, hot chicks, cool cars, defying authority, underdogs, taking down the bad guys, get away with millions, and getting the girls.
Jerks: defies physics, ignores reality, puts more stock in being cool than the actual story,two Dodge Chargers dragging a multi-ton safe around at high speeds… I don’t think so, the creation of stupid hijacking gadgets to make what they’re doing look cooler, Dwayne Johnson’s line where he says whatever you do don’t let them into cars… Lame (no reflection on Dwayne Johnson, I love to see him in movies), the richest man in all of Brazil that controls an entire mega city only has $100 million???… Sure.
Prediction/suggestion for next movie title: The furious five
things the next installment should bring back:
The staples (original cast, fast cars, hot girls, an element of cool, lots of speed and action)
another heist plot
suggestions for the next movie
introduction of an extreme thief, a real urban street wise B&E man capable of parkour
a great parkour chase
unless you have a great idea, you don’t have to use the cars to commit the actual robberies, they can be used as getaway cars in spectacular chases.
Don’t make them broke and destitute and in need of more money, instead have them doing it with a double goal in mind, such as eliminating another evil bastard from the world whilst grabbing all of his loot. Outlaw anti-heroes with a slightly skewed moral compass, a keen sense of ironic justice, and a penchent for piracy on the open road.
I’m the goat. This is a saying that everyone in my family now says whenever they are being overlooked or ignored. If you speak and no one hears you…you’re the goat my friend. This saying is in reference to the movie “where the wild things are”, although the saying is not actually in the movie. If you’ve seen the movie, however, you may have noticed that the goat is largely ignored and discarded. If you haven’t seen the movie, then you should, if for no other reason that you will see what I am talking about. It is a very good movie though. I avoided seeing it for a long time because I thought it was being directed by spike lee and since he has a very specific flavor, I didn’t want to see how he butchered a fond childhood memory, but much to my chagrin it was actually spike Jones who directed the movie and did a rather good job of it at that. I for one was entertained and intrigued. After watching it as an adult, I kind of feel that the characters represented psychological personality types, but I could just be reading more into it then there actually is. Either way, I related more closely to the goat then I did to any other character, that may be kind of sad if it is because the goat was mostly ignored, but I also felt that the goat was a good character with a good heart who tried to treat others fairly. In the end I only have one thing to say to all of it “I’m the goat”