A tale of two bears   Leave a comment

A tale of two bears

Once upon a time there was a big burly man named Bruno. One day this man was at a yard sale foraging for goodies when low and behold, he spotted a shiny treasure. He didn’t know it, but this treasure was a necklace that had magical powers! It was made of silver and had two bears on it. One bear was behind the other and you could move the bears back and forth and make them hump. Bears were one of the big burly mans favorite animals and he thought this was quite funny, so he bought the necklace. He really liked the necklace a lot, so he wore it frequently when he went out to socialize and look for a mate. When ever he went out, he was complemented on his necklace by other big burly men. It seemed that the magical power this necklace had was to bring big burly men who had a fondness for bears together. Over a period of a year or so, about six or eight big men approached Bruno to complement him on his necklace. There was apparently no shortage of big men who loved bears, and they were all nice guys although a bit touchy feely for Brunos taste. Then, one day, the necklace disappeared. Bruno looked high and low for it, but no matter how much he looked, it was no where to be found. He was very sad about the loss of such a wondrous treasure for many moons. He gave up on ever finding another one for surely a treasure as magnificent as his two-bears-humping necklace was one of a kind. Then one day, while furiously googling he had an idea. “I shall google myself up a new bears humping necklace” he thought. So he typed in “Two-bears-humping necklace”, but his his most innocent search yielded some most unexpected results. For when the page from his search came up it was not websites about big men who loved bears (the animal), but rather websites about big men who were “bears”. Which as Bruno know knew were big burly gay men who like to spend a whole little bit of to much time in a remote cabin in the woods rutting around in each others dirty man caves. Suddenly everything became clear, the men who saw his necklace were slavering rocket jockeys looking for a dance partner to do the tube snake boogie with. To them Bruno was just a big juicy piece of pressed ham that needed stuffing. Needless to say Bruno did not order another two bears humping necklace and the bears (the animal and the football team) lost a little bit of their sheen for him. Brunos days as a pseudo-bear had come to an end.
The moral of the story : google absolutely everything or you could end up a sticky bun for some big sweaty grunting sack of muscle and hair in a cabin deep in the woods who’s plowing your back 40 while he regales you with wild tales of lumberjacks and his days as a cabin boy on the wood ship ballyslop.
The End

Ps: Bears are cool with me, I’m a firm believer in “to each his own” and I feel that you should find happiness where ever you can in this life, because life is fleeting and a random portion of it is gonna be not so happy. Our desires, emotions and thoughts are part of our being, they are part of what makes us…us. What we are, is part of our density….or it could be part of our fate, which sounds a lot more doomy, but hey, it is what it is. Just go about pursuing your happiness weirdos.

Disclaimer: Everything said in this blog is absolutely as true as anything the government tells you. We can not be held responsible for the overpowering euphoria that rips through your soul like a phallic bullet train on a one way rampage to boom town when you can follow these links to shangri-la ABSOLUTELY FREE!! and buy something. All proceeds go to support a lost cause. Thank you for loitering:)


Posted February 1, 2011 by bioranger in Uncategorized

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